LOLS today as usual when to church but it was different today as service impacted alot of us asking us whether u are a follower or disciple? it sort of let me think that what christian i am?? a follwer or wat?? it started to let me think starting of this year how did i live my life for God.at first my spiritual walk with him was still ok. as it was improving but slowly it became NOT. God started to test my faith in him :(. i sort of face lots and lots of problem. slowly later,i start to think that going to school is so stress cos i cant actually be the true self of me it seem that what ppl do i follow and it became i follower all the wrong thing when have i stand up for myself ?? LOLS i really dunnox. i dunnox whether mixing with them is right or wrong? but in the end wat it gets back was quarrel. haiiz ppl say lots of bad remark is it wat is want. OF COURSE NO. i still remember that meng chao once told me how bad i was how much i change it was not the clarice it use to be. i try whatever bad point he told me i change already.but what about the rest no one tell me before until i found out on my own that this is how ppl look at me. i felt like i dun even worth a cent lor ;(. in zion zone i usually ask people to do thing cos i am usually in-charge but today i start to think am i worth to be a leader of zion zone am i being a good leader or not, do i have even the right to go and ask them to do anything. i felt so bad. i feel i am a 3 person. 1 character at home. 1 in school another 1 in church.

i get to know that being a christian is not juz one day is actually everyday. but i cant i juz cant be a full time christian. i started to even loss the passion for evengelism. wat more my spiritual walk is not stable.


and God actually said when u did urz discision is it by my will what if i change it. can u accept?
i couldn't answer this question at all. cos i knw being a christian u need to sarcificeS certain thing in urz life. i can see that God trying to take away something in my life like friend. but i cant accept it. but yet i know his discision won't harm me but yet prosper me with more XD. but however i am not ready yet

ps daniel also say. we are to obey our parent but we muz also obey God if our parent ask us to do thing that is not Gods will, will we follow ?? as what he say when one day u see him. HE ask us so u obey Me or urz parent he doesn't mean dont obey them but wat more he is the King above all thing.

and lastly i found out that i cant put God first i always put other thing before him. haiiz. it juz needed time maybe.but what i believe God is a God which very patience. XD. i believe he will change me for the better ((:.and i still remember this song i can't live a day without u. is it true am i feeling this way? i think i need to learn how to handle thing in my life ((:. wat to put first and everything XD. but i believe i will change for the better XD

ok theres still alot but lazy to blogg liao hahas

LOLs thanks jian yi for hearing all my story today. we share alot


AND LASTLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA

i hope i did not offence anyone in this post
and sorry if i am bad in the past or i did anything wrong.

♥ 12:56 AM